Love and Sex Addiction: What's the difference?
By Jim Hall, MS Relationship Recovery Coach
Some believe sex and love addiction are the same- not true.
Here is a summary outline for you to contrast the differences.
Similarities between Sex and Love Addiction
A. Both are intimacy disorders
B. There is a compulsive cycle of seeking external validation- & attempting to
compensate, soothe, and regulate emotions
C. Same Core Issues
1. Impaired self-esteem/carried shame from childhood
2. Impaired boundaries (too rigid/walled off-- or too open/enmeshed)
3. Difficulty with reality, moderation, balance
4. Addiction/dependency rooted in early developmental/attachment issues
Chart: Primary differences between Sex and Love Addiction
Sex Addict Love Addict
|
Sexual activities/fantasies used to feel alive/purpose through sexual fantasy/obsession; porn/masturbation/ Voyeurism/etc.
Compulsive sexual cycle is used to escape unpleasant feelings
Focus/obsession on sexual pleasure w/o significant relationship- bonding/closeness not important; faers and avoids intimacy Compulsive cycle manifested around acting out sexual fantasies; ritualized sexual behavior OR anorexia-avoidance or excessive control over sexual behavior
Shame/despair intensified once the sexual cycle of acting out is complete ("See, I really am a bad, unworthy person") |
Relationship used to feel alive/purpose through romantic fantasy/obsession of one "magical" person to rescue them
Compulsive relationship cycle is used to escape unpleasant feelings
Focus/obsession is on one significant love object/person- ultimate bonding/closeness important; prone to stay in toxic relationships
Compulsive cycle manifested around seeking and/or keeping one relationship; avoiding abandonment/rejection, fantasy of person (or anorexia-avoidance of relationship)
Shame/despair intensified when rejected/abandoned/relationship loss ("See, I really am a bad, unworthy person") |
About the Author-: Jim Hall, MS, is a Love Addiction Specialist Coach and Author of 3 Books on addictive love. As a former therapist and happily recovered love addict, Jim offers hope and effective guidance for those struggling with insecure attachment and want to grow towards a healthier path to achieving inner security and happy, loving relationships. Learn more about Jim.
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