Personal "Bill Of Rights" - Key to Healthy Relationships, Intimacy, and Self-Esteem
By Jim Hall MS, Love Addiction Specialist, Recovery Coach, Author
People with healthy boundaries and self-esteem are internally aware of their Personal Rights … Basic Rights of All Human Beings … AND THEY ALSO ARE YOURS!
As human beings, we all have Inherent Personal Rights which, if known, contribute to well-being, self-esteem, and internal boundaries. These essential rights (listed below) are ones in which love addicts and codependents often did not learn in childhood growing up in a dysfunctional family.
In fact, many people were wrongly deceived in childhood, learning something quite the opposite of these personal rights as a result of being raised by an immature, shame-based, or abusive parent (or parents). They often received a spoken or unspoken message that individual rights were limited or off grounds, that it was somehow not okay to do, believe, feel, or say certain things, or that is was not okay even to be "who I am"- real, authentic.
As mentioned, below is an important list of these personal rights. These are your “PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS.” These rights are not for selected “special” people- there's no such crap! You may have never known you have always had these rights. Now you do know- and from this day forward you could start to make them part of your being.
These Truths… these Realities … these fundamental rights, are just as much yours!
* As an exercise/ tool:
Acknowledge that while you may not have been taught some of these beliefs as a child, you can own/adopt them today. Use your Bill Of Rights list (below), to begin affirming each into your mind and soul! Do so by repeating each right to yourself at least 3-5 times a day for several weeks; then every other day for several weeks; then every three days; and so on. State your rights aloud to yourself as well.
Affirming your rights repeatedly and consistently will help free you of old distorted (false) beliefs. Embrace each one as yours- they are! The more consistent you are in affirming these rights, the more you will embed these truths in you. They'll pay great dividends in your life and relationships.
My Personal Bill of Rights
YOU HAVE THESE RIGHTS... YOU ARE A RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THEM. THEY ARE YOURS! AFFIRM, EMBRACE, AND DECLARE THESE TRUTHS OUT- LOUD!
Today and moving forward, I declare:
o I have the right to fully and unconditionally forgive myself for past mistakes.
o I have the right to feel what I feel (good, bad, and all).
o I have the right to make my own decisions.
o I have the right to determine my reality (feelings, thoughts, and beliefs).
o I have the right to feel safe in relationships, in my life.I have the right to have and honor my needs in relationships.
o I have the right to choose people who contribute to my well-being.
o I have a right to be valued and respected despite my imperfections or mistakes.
o I have the right to have my opinions, thoughts, and beliefs.
o I have a right to set healthy boundaries and determine what they are.
o I have the right to say no.
o I have the right to say yes.
o I have a right to disagree with another person's reality (what they think, feel, or believe).
o I have a right to feel joy and happiness.
o I have a right to expect a partner who has the capacity to love, value, and “have my back” as I would have theirs.
o I have the right to ask for what I want or need.
o I have the right to be selfish; healthy selfishness (attending to my own needs, self-nurturing) is good- as long as I don't harm or violate another person’s boundaries.
o I have the right to smile, laugh, have fun, relax, be spontaneous, and play.
o I have the right to trust others and trust myself.
o I have the right to be vulnerable.
o I have the right to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and be wrong.
o I have a right to be my own person – be who I am –not what others think I should be.
o I have a right to be hopeful for a better future.
o I have the right to love and to be loved in return.
o I have the right to be imperfect (human)- to embrace my imperfections and strengths. – to know I am perfectly imperfect.
o I have the right to detach from people who cannot contribute to my emotional health and well-being.
o I have the right to change my mind or decide on a different course of action anytime I choose.
o I have the right to not identify with or ‘carry the torch’, of my family of origin’s dysfunction, shame, or toxic rules/beliefs.
o I have the right NOT to let others dictate my feelings, thoughts, or choices.
o I have the right to speak my truth and my reality and stand up for myself.
o I have the right to be treated with respect and dignity - and nothing less.
o I have the right to put my needs first before the needs of another.
o I have the right to embrace this truth - that I am NOT responsible for another's feelings, choices, or behaviors.
o I have the right to have and honor my relationship needs (e.g., closeness, intimacy, interdependence, respect, openness, honesty)
o I have the right to do what I think is in my self-interest without feeling guilt or shame.
o I have the right to allow positive people, experiences, and situations to freely and flow into my life.
o I have the right NOT to allow another to dictate what I feel, think, or do in my life.
o I have a right to feel safe in all my relationships.
o I have the right, when necessary, to respectfully communicate my reality (truth, wants, needs, feelings, and beliefs).
o I have a right to grow and develop myself as a whole person emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.
o I have the right to trust my intuition.
o I have the right to love, accept, embrace, and fully appreciate myself unconditionally.
o I have the right to be in relationships without losing my identity, abandoning my interests, needs, and wants.
o I have the right to Embrace an important Truth that I AM ME - and I AM OKAY, JUST AS I AM.
o I have the right to feel peace and serenity in my life.
o I have the right to choose a romantic partner who will love, respect, and accept all of who I am.
o I have the right to acknowledge and embrace "I am enough."
o I have the right and duty to myself to fully honor and practice in my life, 'My Personal Bill of Rights.'
About the Author:
Jim Hall, MS, is a Love Addiction Specialist, Online Recovery Coach, and Author of 3 Books on Love Addiction and Recovering. As a leading expert, Through his writings and online recovery practice, Jim offers much hope for those struggling with love addiction- to discover a healthy and solid path to break free from obsessive love patterns as well as support and guidance to overcome the acute discomfort of breakup love withdrawal.
Learn all about Love Addiction:
Unravel the unhealthy dynamics of addictive relationships between the love addict and the love avoidant.
The LOVE ADDICT in Love Addiction
Overcome painful obsessive symptoms of love withdrawal.
SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: The Break Up Workbook for Love Addicts
Feel Better - Get Answers with Love Addiction Help
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