30 Realistic Relationship Expectations You Should Have - Always!

By Jim Hall MS, Recovery Coach | Love Addiction Expert

ABOUT THIS ARTICLE

People in secure relationships tend to have healthy and reasonable expectations for how they are treated — thus, are more likely to have happy relationships.

Insecurely Attached Love Addicts tend to have low or unrealistic expectations -- hence are more likely to experience dissatisfying or toxic relationships.

In this article-- learn thirty real examples of realistic relationship expectations you should adopt to help you on your path to breaking free from toxic love patterns.

And why maintaining high expectations is essential to having a fulfilling secure relationship.

What expectations do you have in your romantic relationships?

Do you have high or low expectations, or any at all? 

Is it okay to have expectations in a relationship?

Yes. 

And your expectations rightfully should be high and realistic.

Like it or not, every relationship comes with expectations.

So whether you are a man or woman, assuming your right to possess high expectations is vital if you want to be happy in a romantic partnership. 

In life, we often get what we expect. 

What does it mean to have high expectations in a relationship?

High expectations are not wrong or unreasonable, nor do they ruin relationships.

It certainly doesn't mean having unrealistic expectations. High expectations mean you reasonably require a romantic partner (and yourself) to exhibit appropriate behaviors and attitudes that enrich the relationship.

In secure, healthy relationships, people tend to have high expectations for how they should be treated -- with respect, love, and kindness.

Maintaining reasonable high expectations is advantageous. It helps foster intimacy and closeness and forms the foundation for a thriving and satisfying relationship.

Securely Attached individuals have them. They won't accept 'crumbs' from a romantic partner-- such as disrespectful behaviors, game-playing, and emotional or physical abuse.

Secure individuals know they deserve real love and to be treated well— nothing less. As a result, they are more likely to experience happiness and satisfaction in romantic relationships.

In contrast, if you identify as an Insecurely Attached Love Addict, your expectations for a romantic partner have probably been quite different. Unlike someone Securely Attached, you've probably had a history of entering relationships with low expectations.

You've more likely tolerated inexcusable and less-than-deserving behaviors from a romantic partner, leading to heartache and disappointment.

Having low expectations is a path to dissatisfaction and heartache in relationships.

You can remake your relationship expectations by learning the behaviors and attitudes you rightly deserve in a romantic partnership.

You don't have to resign to perpetual low expectations of undeserving conduct and relational immaturity. 

What are examples of expectations all men and women should unquestionably embrace for a romantic relationship?

Below are thirty of them. You can call it your Relationship Expectation List.

* Print and post this list somewhere to remind yourself what you have a right to expect in your current or future relationship.

30 expectations you should have in romantic relationships
 

Relationship Expectation List

"I have a right to expect, with confidence, a romantic partner who":

1. Cares about my well-being and shows it (not just words)
2. Doesn't play games- effectively communicates (is direct and honest)
3. Is reliable and consistent- Yes, maturity
4. Turns towards me, not away; doesn't keep intimacy at arm's length 
5. Treats me with kindness, love, and affection
   
   
   
6. Is fully committed and loyal
7. Never shames/belittles/abuses - For any reason, whatsoever
8. Makes me feel heard, understood, validated
9. Makes me feel safe-- emotionally and physically
10. Whose life goals are compatible with my own
    
11. Is receptive to compromise, resolving conflict, working through "bad times" when needed
12. Doesn't try to rescue me from my problems; can walk 'side-by-side' in support of me helping myself
13. Doesn't expect me to rescue or heal his/her problems or be their pathway to spiritual enlightenment
14. Shares equal power in our relationship- does not act 'better-than'
15. Loves and values me no matter what my size or shape
    
16. Can laugh, play, and share positive experiences
17. Honors differing opinions/viewpoints – yes, happy couples lovingly agree to disagree
18. Desires a mutually satisfying sex life
19. Supports my goals, pursuits, and dreams- Is my cheerleader
20. Accepts who I am, both my strengths and imperfections (doesn't try to control/change me)
    
21. Is emotionally present -- not "checked out," distant, or emotionally unavailable
22. Is reassuring whenever I feel down, anxious, or insecure
23. Shows empathy when I'm vulnerable (express my needs, feelings, concerns)
24. Treats me like a best friend, never an enemy 
25. Appreciates and respects my physical and emotional boundaries
    
26. Responsive and caring about my relationship needs (e.g., closeness/intimacy) -- Core relationship needs should always be non-negotiable
27. Acts and treats me like an adult, not a child- Indeed, I am a grown-up
28. Openly includes me in their life and inner circle- Doesn't hide or keep secrets
29. Creates adequate time for our relationship- to spend together; talk, play/have fun, go on dates, etc. 
30. Makes me feel he/she always  "has my back" -- An essential feeling in a secure partnership

All of these expectations are reasonable, healthy, and appropriate.  

Secure people embrace them. So should you. You are worthy of it.

Indeed, letting go of low expectations and embracing high expectations is crucial to whether or not you will experience a genuinely happy, fulfilled relationship. Adopting them in your life is an act of self-care.

Moreover, doing so is essential to overcoming love addiction, codependency, and insecure attachment patterns.

Always insist on kindness, love, affection, and respect. And, of course, it's essential to exhibit the same attributes yourself.

A couple more points: Some people may say that having high expectations is asking too much—that such individuals and relationships don't exist.

Never buy into this garbage- It's NOT true. 

You also might hear some people, even therapists, suggest that you should expect less if you're unhappy in a relationship.

They may reason that having lower expectations will help you feel more fulfilled and content with a romantic partner. Again, don't buy into this false reasoning- at all!

Remember, we get what we expect.

If you expect little from a relationship, you will likely settle for someone who offers little—and you will pay the price.

 Finally, you can still adopt high and reasonable expectations if you are currently in an unhappy relationship.

You might consider sitting down with your partner and discussing the Relationship Expectation List that is important to each of you—and focusing on addressing those first.

Patiently and politely let your partner know what you would like them to do differently for the relationship to improve. Indeed, couples therapy can be valuable to your relationship in helping you satisfy expectations for one another if your partner has this capacity.

But no longer do you have to sell yourself short and settle for 'BS breadcrumbs.'

If you're Insecurely Attached (Avoidant or Anxious) and want a happy relationship, commit to upholding high secure-based expectations-- that are reasonable, healthy, and appropriate.

Indeed, maintaining high expectations is vital to growth, well-being, and the capacity to form healthy relationships and become more secure.