"Change occurs when one becomes what he/she is, not when he/she tries to become what he is not"
Single & Empowered – on Valentine’s Day
In our Western culture, we have become obsessed with the idealism of romantic love-- given that Valentine's Day is considered to be a Hallmark holiday due to its widespread commercialization.
As for love addicts, we have been stuck with the obsessive notion that romantic love is the root of all happiness and is the answer to our sense of value and worth. And with this false notion, being single with love addiction while facing Valentine's Day, where all the focus is supposed to be about flowers, cards, chocolates, and overflowing expressions of quixotic love--can feel like a crushing blow to the sense of self.
Instead of being a day for true celebration and appreciation, Valentine's Day can trigger emotions of self-doubt, loneliness, or dejection for single love addicts (not fully recovered).
Jane, a love addict, is suffering through Valentine's Day with these erroneous thoughts, "I should have someone to love, what is wrong with me?"; "If only I had someone to love, I would be fine. I would feel good about me"; "Being single must mean I am truly flawed and unlovable."
Of course, these types of thoughts would cause anyone to feel a deep sense of worthlessness-- and it fuels the love addiction more so. The fact is, negative thoughts such as Jane's come from irrational rules and beliefs attained from dysfunctional societal messages, and toxic shame carried from childhood to adulthood.
It does not have to be this way. Moreover, it shouldn't be this way. Being single and facing Valentine's Day does not have to be a reason to feel blue or feel 'less than' any other person.
So instead of letting this commercially-fueled holiday drag you down - why don't you grasp hold reality. On this day, change your thinking and behavior --- and do something different to empower your single-hood with these Valentine's Day tips. * Even if you are in a relationship- these tips are for you.
EMPOWERING VALENTINE'S DAY TIPS:
Remember - Being In A Romantic Relationship Doesn't Define Who You Are - & - Not being in a Romantic Relationship Doesn't Define Who You Are.
External events or situations do not define your value and worth and does not define who you are as a human being. Just like what you do for a living, or how much you earn, or the material possessions you have or do not have, does not define you and your worthines--?and the same goes for your relationship status. Being single isn't something to feel shame or humiliated about. You have a life. It is yours to live deservingly. You belong here, single or not.
Remember -You Are Not Alone: Millions Upon Millions Of People Are Single
On a day like Valentines, it can seem that everyone is 'hooked up', in love, and in la-la land... while you are hopelessly alone, without 'love'. Don't be fooled. Take in the following simple facts and recognize that singleness is actually quite normal:
- There are over 100 million single people unmarried, single, divorced or widowed
- Over 18 million women live alone
- Over 14 million men live alone
-These numbers continue to rise
Now tell yourself the truth, "I am not alone"
Express Love & Kindness
Valentine's Day does not have to be about romantic love! So why not show your love and compassion to someone in need? Do something extra nice for one, two, or three people this day. Give a big heart shaped box of candy to a homeless person. Take some valentine-cards to a local nursing home, or a local children's hospital. Drop by your elderly or widowed neighbor and give maybe a basket of goodies or a bouquet of flowers. You get the idea. This act alone will get you out of your head of self-pity. Moreover, you will be surprised to realize how good it makes you feel.
Treat and Pamper You
So what if you don't have a romantic partner to give you flowers and chocolates on Valentine's Day. Why not use this day as an excuse to pleasure yourself instead? Be your own romantic partner by treating yourself or by doing things that make you happy. Buy yourself some flowers or box of candies. Treat yourself with your favorite dessert. Buy yourself a book, DVD, or a simple-something you've wanted for a long time. Watch a good movie (but forget the romantic comedy). Treat yourself to a nice massage or go for a scenic drive. Give yourself some deserving love.
Sounds crazy?- so who cares? What matters is that you are treating yourself the way you would with anyone else you love. You deserve great treatment - not only by others, but also by you. This is a simple act of wholesome self-care and self- compassion. Remember, a huge part of recovering is about focusing on self-care (behavior of validating and honoring all of who you are).
Write a love letter - TO YOU!
Write a love letter to yourself for Valentine's Day. Yes -- write a letter specifically to you! Again, Sound crazy? So who cares? You deserve to tell yourself how great you are (don't worry about whether you feel great at this moment, your greatness is still a fact). Tell yourself you are a beautiful person... incredibly strong and courageous... determined and kind-hearted. forgiving and full of wit, intelligent, and humor. You are all of these things and more and you deserve to read it. Tell yourself the things you appreciate about you. Again, this act of writing a love letter to you is a simple act of self-care and validation. When you're finish-- be sure to read it throughout the day. You may be surprised to see how this act of self-care will change your frame of mind on this Valentine's Day.
You can start your letter with these questions:
What do close friends and loved ones love about you?
What do you love about you?
What makes you a good person?
What makes you fearless, courageous, and fabulous - whether single, or otherwise?
What are you grateful for in your life while flying solo this Valentine's Day?
*Start your love letter now with - Dear Me...'
*Sign it, "from your best friend."
Face Valentine's Day head on -- and dare to love and accept all of who you are and where you are at in your life. Do not be sorry for yourself, or drown yourself in self-pity because you're single. You are valuable and worthy no matter what life throws at you, single or not.
Take your power back - and be your own valentine... you deserve it.
Start your recovery with these steps:
Overcome painful obsessive symptoms of withdrawal...