30 Realistic Relationship Expectations You Should Have - Always!

By Jim Hall MS, Love Addiction Expert, Relationship Coach

Question of healthy realistic expectations in a relationship with a heart written on notepad

ABOUT THIS ARTICLE

People in secure relationships tend to have healthy and reasonable expectations for how they are treated — thus are more likely to have happy relationships.
Insecurely Attached Love Addicts tend to have low or unrealistic expectations -- hence are more likely to experience dissatisfying or toxic relationships.
In this article-- learn a list of thirty real examples of relationship expectations you should adopt to help you on your path to breaking free from toxic love patterns.
And why maintaining high expectations is essential to having a fulfilling secure relationship.

What expectations do you have in your romantic relationships?

Do you have high or low expectations, or any at all?

Is it okay to have expectations in a relationship?

Yes.

And your expectations rightfully should be high and realistic.

Like it or not, every relationship comes with expectations.

So whether you are a man or woman, it's vital to assume your right to possess high expectations if you want to be happy in a romantic partnership.

In life, we often get what we expect.

What does it mean to have high expectations in a relationship?

High expectations are not wrong or unreasonable, nor do they ruin relationships.

It certainly doesn't mean having unrealistic expectations. High expectations mean you reasonably require a romantic partner (and yourself) to exhibit appropriate behaviors and attitudes that enrich the relationship.

In secure, healthy relationships, people tend to have high expectations for how they are to be treated -- with respect, love, and kindness.

Maintaining reasonable high expectations is advantageous. It helps foster intimacy and closeness and forms the foundation for a thriving and satisfying relationship.

Securely Attached individuals have them. They won't accept 'crumbs' from a romantic partner-- such as disrespectful behaviors, game-playing, and emotional or physical abuse.

Secure individuals know they deserve real love and to be treated well— nothing less. As a result, they are more likely to experience happiness and satisfaction in romantic relationships.

In contrast, if you identify as an Insecurely Attached Love Addict, your expectations for a romantic partner have probably been quite different. Unlike someone Securely Attached, you've probably had a history of entering relationships with low expectations.

You've more likely tolerated inexcusable and less-than-deserving behaviors from a romantic partner leading to heartache and disappointment.

Having low expectations is a path to dissatisfaction and heartache in relationships.

You can remake your relationship expectations by learning the behaviors and attitudes you rightly deserve in a romantic partnership.

You don't have to resign to perpetual low expectations of undeserving conduct and relational immaturity.

What are examples of expectations all men and women should unquestionably embrace for a romantic relationship?

Below are thirty of them.

You can call it your Relationship Expectation List. * Print and post this list somewhere to remind yourself what you have a right to expect in your current or future relationship.

30 expectations you should have in romantic relationships

RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATION LIST:

"I have a right to expect, with confidence, a romantic partner who":

Cares about my well-being and shows it (not just words)
Doesn't play games- effectively communicates (is direct and honest)
Is reliable and consistent- Yes, maturity
Turns towards me, not away; doesn't keep intimacy at arm's length
Treats me with kindness, love, and affection
Is fully committed and loyal
Never shames/belittles/abuses - For any reason, whatsoever
Makes me feel heard, understood, validated
Makes me feel safe-- emotionally and physically
Whose life goals are compatible with my own
Is receptive to compromise; resolving conflict; working through "bad times" when needed
Doesn't try to rescue me from my problems; can walk 'side-by-side' in support of me helping myself
Doesn't expect me to rescue or heal his/her problems or be their pathway to spiritual enlightenment
Shares equal power in our relationship- does not act better-than
Loves and values me no matter what my size or shape
Can laugh, play, and share positive experiences
Honors differing opinions/viewpoints – yes, happy couples lovingly agree to disagree
Desires a mutually satisfying sex life
Supports my goals, pursuits, and dreams- Is my cheerleader
Accepts who I am, both my strengths and imperfections (doesn't try to control/change me)
Is emotionally present -- not "checked out", distant, or emotionally unavailable
Is reassuring whenever I feel down, anxious, or insecure
Shows empathy when I'm vulnerable (express my needs, feelings, concerns)
Treats me like a best friend, never an enemy
Respects my physical and emotional boundaries
Responsive and caring about my relationship needs (e.g., closeness/intimacy) -- Core relationship needs should always be non-negotiable
Acts and treats me like an adult; not a child- Indeed, I am a grown-up
Openly includes me in their life and inner circle- Doesn't hide or keep secrets
Creates adequate time for our relationship- to spend together; talk, play/have fun, go on dates, etc.
Makes me feel he/she always "has my back" -- An essential feeling in a secure partnership

All of these expectations are reasonable, healthy, and appropriate.

Secure people embrace them. So should you. You are worthy of it.

Indeed letting go of low expectations and embracing high expectations is crucial to whether or not you will experience a genuinely happy, fulfilled relationship. Adopting them in your life is an act of self-care.

Moreover, doing so is essential to overcoming love addiction, codependency, and insecure attachment patterns.

Always insist on kindness, love, affection, and respect. And, of course, it's essential to exhibit the same attributes yourself.

A couple more points: Some people may say that having high expectations is asking too much—that such individuals and relationships don't exist.

Never buy into this garbage- It's NOT true.

You also might hear some people, even therapists, suggest that you should expect less if you're unhappy in a relationship.

They may reason that having lower expectations will help you feel more fulfilled and content with a romantic partner. Again, don't buy into this false reasoning- at all!

Remember, we get what we expect.

If you expect little from a relationship, you will likely settle for someone who offers little—and you will pay the price.

Finally, if you are currently in an unhappy relationship, you can still adopt high and reasonable expectations.

You might consider sitting down with your partner and talking about the Relationship Expectation List that is important to each of you—and focusing on addressing those first.

Patiently and politely let your partner know what you would like them to do differently for the relationship to improve. Indeed, couples therapy can be valuable to your relationship in helping you satisfy expectations for one another; if your partner has this capacity.

But no longer do you have to sell yourself short and settle for 'BS breadcrumbs.'

If you're Insecurely Attached (Avoidant or Anxious) and want a happy relationship, commit to upholding high secure-based expectations-- that are reasonable, healthy, and appropriate.

Indeed, maintaining high expectations is vital to growth, well-being, and the capacity to form healthy relationships and become more secure.

Author: Jim Hall, MS Jim Hall holds an M.S. in Counseling/Therapy, is a highly experienced Relationship-Recovery Coach, and is the author of three books on love addiction and recovery. With extensive expertise, Jim empowers individuals to break free from insecure attachment patterns and acquire healthy, fulfilling relationships. More about Jim Hall

You may be interested in reading:

Love Addiction Cycle - Love Addict and Love Avoidant

6 Signs of a Love Avoidant

11 Ways to Stop Obsessing After a Breakup

12 Distancing Strategies the Love Avoidant Uses To Evade Intimacy

Love Addiction Withdrawal Caused by a Breakup

Signs You're Dating an Avoidant

Take Charge of your healing with my books:

ORDER BOOKS AND WORKBOOKS