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"Change occurs when one becomes what he/she is, not when he/she tries to become what he is not"
- A.Beisser-


Addictive Love: The Process Addiction


We associate addiction typically with alcohol or drug abuse, but it's clear that addictive behaviors go far beyond. A universal definition of Addiction is characterized by the repeated, compulsive seeking or use of a substance, behavior, or activity despite negative consequences (harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life) (NAPS)- Often accompanied by physical or psychological dependence, withdrawal syndrome and tolerance.


Addiction can in theory be derived from any rewarding behavior, and is believed to be strongly associated with the the brains reward center . although with continued use the goal is not so much to induce pleasure as it is to relieve the anxiety caused by the absence of the addiction, causing it to become used compulsively.


Addictions Purpose


People use an addiction as a way to cope, to fix situations and feel better. Addictions may block out sensations of pain, uncertainly, or discomfort. It may create powerfully distracting sensations that focus and absorb attention. It may enable a person to feel "okay" about some insurmountable problems. It provides an artificial, temporary feeling of security or calm, of self-worth or purpose or accomplishment, of power and control, or intimacy or belonging.


Addicts use their addiction as it may help to:


·         Take away emotional pain

·         Feel good about the self

·         Fill internal emptiness

·         Escape loneliness.

·         Relieve anxiety

·         Feel connected

·         Feel a sense of self

·         Feel purpose in life

·         Coping mechanism

·         Block out realities


2 Types of Addiction: Process/Behavioral & Substance/Ingested


Addiction/Dependence does not have to be limited only to substances; even activities and behavioral patterns are  considered addictions.

Most of us are aware of the ingested addictions like alcohol, drugs, food, etc.---but many are less clear on this other aspect of addiction called the Process addiction. A "Process" addiction is an addiction to a way of living, a behavioral addiction affecting cognition and emotions.

Process addictions are an addiction to self-defeating behaviors.

Examples of Process Addiction: 

Shopping, gambling, Internet addiction, computer addiction, sexual addiction, pornography addiction, eating, work addiction

. AND of course--- Love addiction is a process addiction.

Like any Process Addiction, the consequences of love addiction are progressive and predictable. Too often love addicts stay stuck in deep denial and minimizes negative consequences that are happening. The desire for the same rush from a person tends to lead to escalation. Shame and guilt increase, as the lifestyle becomes inconsistent with the personal values, beliefs, and spirituality.

The truth is the longer love addiction is denied the more serious the consequences become.

For those who continue the path of love addiction, the consequences are sure to continue...

Consequences including the Loss of:

  • Intimacy
  • Authenticity
  • Isolation
  • Joy
  • Freedom
  • Fulfilling Love Relationships
  • Spirituality
  • Abandonment of Self

Recovery is possible!


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